Commitment issues

January 29, 2012
“Commitment issues” translation:
I don’t love her. She is swallowing me
Consuming my energy to fuel her addiction to
My selflessness-
And I am letting her.
Cramming my days with her messy handwriting she
Hands me letters before fourth period
With a wink,
But she can’t even read my cursive.

January 29, 2014
“Commitment issues” translation:
He lives three cities and 45 songs away and his
Scruffiness feels nice under my palms but
Headboards beating the paint off of
Smokey Hotel room walls
Results in avoided eye contact and
Three hours of home-bound tears.

January 29, 2015
“Commitment issues” translation:
I know how to be used up,
swirled into needles and injected.
I know how to
“look best quiet and naked”
In the green motel lighting.
But He lives one song away and
Always types his letters. He leans back at the hips when
He dances, arms spinning like the strings of the music are bound
To his wrists.
The headaches of
withdrawal settling in around my eyes
(I saw Him two hours ago),
Green eyes wide in search of my next fix
Veins sinking as if in dehydration,
I can’t afford to be unlovable –
I am afraid of becoming the user.

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